If I were to ask you when you have the best conversations with you family, what would you say? Some would say car rides are great conversation times. That is if you can get the devices out of everyone’s hands and the ear buds from everyone’s ears! Others may say car time is the ONLY time they really have together because of crazy family schedules. I would like to offer an alternative to talking to your family “on the go” and hoping you get to say the important things between soccer practice and piano lessons. What if you made dinner time a top priority?
I believe a consistent dinner time around the table should be a family’s top priority.
I know, I know. There are a thousand good excuses why this won’t work for your family. But if making dinner time a top priority did work, what would it look like?
Let me tell you a story about the decision made by our family long ago. When our boys were very young, our goal was to sit at the table to eat almost every evening meal. Yes, the kids didn’t always like what we were having. Yes, they would rather leave the TV on and watch their favorite show. And as time went by, I’m sure they would have rather been texting their friends than sitting down and looking us in the eye.
BUT, since we began the expectation that meal times were family times early in their little lives, there was little argument when the proverbial dinner bell rang.
Our ground rules were simple.
- Everyone stayed at the table until all were finished unless given special permission.
- No one could dominate the conversation and everyone was expected to chime in at least a little bit.
- All distractions were removed. Early on the distractions were TV or toys. Later, cell phones were the biggest distraction. If you had your cell phone at the table, it had to be in your pocket. If it buzzed, you could look at it, but you had to read the text message to the whole table. Most of the time, phones did not come out. 🙂
We attempted to cover each rule with a little grace. If you were expecting a text about a later meet-up with a friend, you could check your phone (but you still had to read it to everyone)! Or if you had a bad day and did not feel like talking about it in front of everyone, you did not have to speak up. If you had to leave the table a bit early to study for an especially hard exam, you were free to go.
However, the interesting result of this consistent time at the table was that it seemed that everyone enjoyed the time. The conversation usually became so entertaining that no one wanted to leave. We shared laughter at the majority of the mealtimes. I remember many nights when one of the boys would relay something interesting he learned at school or even on TV. Or someone had an entertaining story to tell about something funny that happened to him that day.
Before you give us the Family of the Year Award, please know that this nightly ritual was our aim. We did not always make it to meals together every night, but when we did not get to sit down together, it was the exception. We even moved meal times around to make sure each person in the family could be there.
I remember when the boys were in middle and high school. Practices went long, jobs interfered, Dad had a meeting, etc. BUT, we did our best to make it happen. Sometimes we ate at 5 pm. Other times, we waited until 8:30 pm. It is also important to note that every table time was not a home run. Some nights were better than others, but the point was that we were together to end our day.
So, if I’ve convinced you that making dinner time a top priority is a worthy goal, how can you make it happen? Here are a few tips.
- Start simple. If you have not been eating together at all around a table, begin by adding two evenings a week. When that becomes the norm, add another night. If you can get up to 5 meals a week as a whole family, give yourself a pat on the back. Great job!
- Communicate the expectation. If your children are small, you may need to expect that they will stay at the table and participate in conversation until they have been excused. When raising teenagers, make sure they know the days the family dinners are planned. If they are invited to do something else that night, they can let their friends know they are already busy.
- Expect obstacles. Any good idea will always have obstacles to overcome to make it work. Dinnertime may be in the middle of a favorite show. Last minute invitations from friends might make your teenager feel like dinner with the family is hurting his social life. You may have had a bad day at work and don’t really have the energy to engage fully with your family. These scenarios will happen. Expect them. Eat together anyway.
- Make it fun! Once a week plan a theme dinner with your family. A fiesta! Make-your-own-pizza night. Grilled favorites. Younger kids may want to decorate the table or provide entertainment to go with your theme. Remember the goal is to enjoy being together on a regular basis. After your consistent dinner routines are established, consider making theme night a time for your kids to invite a friend to join in on the family fun.
- Have a conversation plan. This sounds harder than it is. All you have to do is know where you want to steer the conversation if it stalls out. Some nights you will not need this. Your kids or spouse may get the ball rolling with happenings from the day or a funny story to share. But on those nights when everyone is tired and may not even want to be there, have something planned. (More about this in a later post)
Children who eat with their family multiple nights per week gain innumerable benefits. And the parents who work to make this happen get to benefit as well. Imagine yourself enjoying this special time with your family. Set a goal to begin by being intentional about making dinner time a top priority this week. Then come back to this post and share with us how it went. If it went well, we will celebrate with you. If it did not meet your expectations, we can process it together.
What night will you start this week?
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, remembering that as members of the same body you are called to live in harmony, and never forget to be thankful for what God has done for you.
Colossians 3:15 Â Â