Making Time for Mom

Moms everywhere are working their hearts out to help their children have the best, do their best, and be the best they can be. Moms sacrifice plenty of sleep, money, and time for their families. But so often moms do not take a break to care for themselves along the way.

 

For some reason, moms have been sold a bill of goods. We have been told that being a mom means giving up who we are and what we need. That is such a destructive lie. In fact, when we give up these important things, we are telling our children that they are more important than anyone or anything on the planet. Certainly, we do not want to give our children this self-absorbed teaching!

According to salary.com, stay-at-home and working mom’s salaries should be in the six figure range. Let’s imagine you were paid to do your “mom jobs.” You never really have a beginning to the work day because you are on call at all times. So, if you were at a paying job where you were on call 24/7  and you never took a break during your work day, you would be considered a workaholic, right?  Take a look at the list of workaholic characteristics at  Workaholics Anonymous. It’s a bit like some moms I know.

I remember wanting to be a mom more than anything else in the world. More than furthering my professional career. More than strengthening the relationships I had with others. Once I became a mom, I wanted to then be the perfect mom with perfect kids. Well, that didn’t happen, so that just sent me into the world of working at motherhood, trying to somehow prove to myself that I could do this thing called being a mom.

Self-care was not on my radar screen as I worked my way through my days until that cycle of overwork began to lead to burnout. The kind of burnout that a workaholic may experience as she works toward more and more accomplishment with little time for breaks.

Unfortunately, this overwork in the world of motherhood can lead to some pretty unhealthy behaviors. Some moms will become martyrs for their “cause”. Others will become easily frustrated and place blame where it should not be simply because she will not take time for herself. Let’s be real. No one wants to spend time with a blame-placing, frustrated martyr, including her kids. So what am I trying to say here?

The bottom line is that self-care is not selfish.

If you believe that it is, now is the time to debunk that myth. Let me show you some ways you can begin to take small steps toward taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your family more fully.

Be OK with small wins.

Sometimes we believe that taking time for ourselves has to be a huge or expensive undertaking. Wrong.

I know moms that consider time at home undisturbed as a big win. So how do you figure out that “undisturbed” part of the deal? Perhaps you could hire a sitter to watch your kids for a couple of hours while you had time for yourself. Or give your younger kids a signal that lets them know you are to be left undisturbed unless it is an emergency. Wear a special hat as your signal. As long as Mom has the hat on, she is off limits. The kids could even get in on the game with their own hat so that they can have their own break from the others in the house.

Maybe your small win is a walk or a jog around the block to clear your mind. Or maybe it is just a run to Target by yourself. Just 30 minutes to an hour of time alone can do wonders for your mental health. Whatever time you can steal away counts. Small wins can give you big results.

Trade with Dad.

Your husband should have some self-care time, too. Be the first to offer him that time, and then ask him to reciprocate the favor for you. When Dad feels like he is getting what he needs, he will realize that you need the same.

If you are a stay-at-home mom, you may think that dad has a “break” all day at work. However, he is not taking a self-care break at work just because he is away from the family.  He still has a boss to please. He may want some time to finish a project in the garage without little helpers. Or he may want 30 minutes to go for a guilt-free run. Yes, you have been with the kids all day, but he will need some unwinding time, too.

Ask for gifts of time.

When birthdays, Christmas, and other gift-giving holidays come around, ask for the gift of time. Our homes are full of things we don’t need, so why not let the gift-givers know that you are seeking quiet time. A gift of watching the kids for you is a great idea! And who knows, the givers might just throw in a gift card, too!

Get back in the game.

Finally, remember that when you are finished with your time alone, and you are ready to head back to your home, it is time to re-engage with your family. Use the energy you gained from your recharging time to join back fully with your family. The point of self-care is to give yourself a little time off, but you are not quitting your job. In fact, if the time spent away does not energize you, you may want to rethink what you are doing in your break time.

The important thing to remember as you are taking care of yourself is that your crazy life is not your forever life. You are in a particular season of your life. Life will move on and you will not be in the same place in a few years. You will look back and wonder how you did it all, but you will know that it was completely worth it.

Don’t end up on the grumpy train of blame, frustration, and martyrdom. Begin looking for ways to make time for yourself so that you can take care of your family. You will be glad you did.

What kind of self-care routine will you try this week? Join in the conversation in the comments.

 

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, remembering that as members of the same body you are called to live in harmony, and never forget to be thankful for what God has done for you.

Colossians 3:15